I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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