i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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