Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
