Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
