The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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