Im at strip club and am horny
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
