Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament

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(917): View more from New York City

shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

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(305): View more from Florida

I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.

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(916): View more from California

you want your laptop back?

(1-916): View more from California

are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?

(916): View more from California

both.

(1-916): View more from California

come over.

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(440): View more from Ohio

He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.

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