You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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