dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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