just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
