matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't deserve a penis
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
