omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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