i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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