You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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