You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
