his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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