She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
