The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
