let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
