Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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