Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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