yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
