No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
