a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize