Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
