My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
