I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pray to the hookup gods
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
