Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
