3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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