just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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