so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
