You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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