I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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