Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
