He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
