i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
