I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
