My room smells like vodka and shame
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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