Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
