I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
