wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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