So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
