I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
