well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
