dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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