But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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