Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
