You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love having hate sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
