You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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