I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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