In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
