omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
