I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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