This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
