can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
