She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize