Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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