I need help removing her.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
