she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
