i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ttyl tear gas
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
