I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
