peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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