saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
