If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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