youre lurking in front of me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
