using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
