WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
