..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize