Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
