In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
