Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize