he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize