Your face is a jimmy john
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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